Chapter One: Reunion Frustration

Week one: Clean parts. Look for a machine shop to rebuild the long block. Clean parts. “What is this? And where does it go?” Look for parts. Located a machine shop! Look for more parts. Wait. Wait again. Wait more. Forbe’s Rebuilt Engines, where is my long block? Oh, it will take twice as long? It will cost more than quoted? Find new machine shop. Hurray! It’s cheaper and quicker, and more reliable! Look for parts. My long block is ready!

I picked up my 1986 Trans Am with the engine already disassembled and sitting inside the car. We tied the TA to Mother’s Impala and drug her home. Very, very slowly. As with any good project I set out with two goals: I had $1200 to spend and two weeks off work to get her running. Spoiler alert: that didn’t happen. Not even close.

It was time to pick up my long block, and I’m going to give anyone reading this some advice. This is something I already knew, but chose to ignore, and I regret that. Engines are heavy. They are very heavy. You should not try to move them by yourself. Ever! Especially without a hoist. Like I did.

I borrowed a truck from friend and dentist Tom Cockrell, picked up my new long block, and drove it home. Once there, I needed to unload it. With a bit of luck and ingenuity I managed to slide it from the truck bed onto a filing cabinet, realizing it would be impossible to work on after the transfer. Friend and owner of Ft. Worth Auto Body Jerry McAdams lent me an engine stand. (Unfortunately, no cajoling would get him to lend me some body work. He does a great job.)

The next step was to move the engine from the cabinet to the stand. I can not stress this point enough: never attempt this by yourself. While trying to slide the engine into place and finagling the stand into the correct position the engine began to fall. Thanks to Sir Isaac Newton, once an engine is falling, there is very little you can do to stop it. Even by sacrificing your body. Resign yourself to picking your block up off the ground and get some friends or a hoist and pick up your engine. It is weeks later, and my shoulder is still screwed up. Engines are heavy. Don’t try to move them alone.

After you get out of the doctors office, check the engine. Inspect the block and heads for cracks, move on to rocker arms, rocker arm studs, push rods, and valve springs. Move down the top of the heads making sure your rocker arms are seated properly. If they are not, replace the broken bits. Check all of them, nobody wants to drop a valve into a piston.

The only engine offered in the 1986 Trans Am was a 305 Chevy smallblock. With a bent rocker stud due to the engine fall, I removed the rocker arm nut, ball washer and rocker arm, put a couple oversize nuts on the stud, and tightened up the rocker nut until the stud was pulled from the head.

Isaac Newton is a jerk.

I popped a new stud in the hole, screwed the old nut on flush to the head of the stud, and hammered the stud in. Perhaps not the best way, but nothing was going to keep me from getting this car going again. Especially not some silly thing like a press.

After the stud was in, I removed the nut I just destroyed and prayed the stud threads were still there. I installed the rocker arm, the ball washer, and tightened the new nut, setting valve lash to factory specs. To replace the pushrods that are bent just loosen the rocker, pop a new one in, and reset valve lash.

Things I wish someone had told me:

First, oil pumps don’t usually come with the oil pump screen, which also takes a special tool to attach. After days of trying to make something work I marked the screen, went to Pep-Boys and asked them if they could attach them. It took seconds, and they didn’t charge me anything. Also, at least with the third-gen F-bodies (82-92 Firebirds and Camaros,) the oil pump needs a drive shaft extender. Why they don’t just make the drive shaft longer is beyond me.

Second, when you buy a long block, it doesn’t usually come with an oil filter adapter. I got a cheaper one. I guess if my oil filter falls off 5 miles down the road, I’ll let you know, and purchase a more expensive one.

Third, cut-to-length plug wires suck. Wes and I spent an hour fitting the first 5. Forcing a rubber wire into a rubber boot around a 90 degree turn is hard and painful on the thumbs, even with the use of WD40. However, I found later if you heat the boot with a floodlight it slides on quick and easy. I did the last three by myself in under ten minutes. Don’t worry about melting the rubber, your hand will burn before the rubber will melt.

Fourth, don’t start assembling anything until you know where everything goes. I must have put together the intake, plenum, runners, and fuel rails eight times. Don’t get impatient, when it is time to put something together, put it together right.

Fifth, Chilton’s is way more frustrating than helpful. You get directions like this:

Torque settings are for pansies!

Sixth, when installing the harmonic damper on the front, make sure all metal parts that touch each other are well lubed. If they are not, you end up destroying the threads on the crank. This leads to number seven.

Seventh, get, and practice with, a tap and die set. Almost every bolt hole had to be cleaned out, or re-threaded. After I destroyed the threads on the crank, I decided to fix them. I used the same thread tap to just re-thread it… but that didn’t work. So I replaced the bolt. That didn’t work either. So I set out to find a longer bolt of the same size and thread… which doesn’t exist. So in a moment pure frustration, about to throw in the towel, I decided, “well, the crank is already screwed up. Can’t make it much worse.” I bought a longer bolt of the same size, but a thicker thread. I re-tapped the crank threads. After finishing, I tried the new bolt, and to my amazement, it worked! I was even able to torque it down to the correct spec. If my harmonic damper falls off and destroys my engine I’ll owe my buddy Geoff a Coke.

This is where my project sits today. An almost completed engine, ready to be placed carefully and lovingly in the engine bay. Next up, I play the game, “Where does this hose/plug go?” along with, “Do I really need that to pass emissions, or can I just make it look like it works?”

-Daniel

Tune in next time! Will the engine explode catastrophically on startup? Will the Man keep him down with the fetters of emissions law? Will he install the engine backwards because his buddy is a Ford guy? Only time will tell!